My grandfather passed away very suddenly in October. I don't really know what else to say about it. It hurt a lot. I am still really hurt. But I can't bring myself to write about him here yet. I will someday. Just not today.
I think my grandpa's death kind of spun me into this below-the-surface darkness. Not depression. Not hopelessness. It just felt as though a light had left my life dimmer, and I struggled to move forward in the new lighting. I'm getting there, but I know it will take some time to get used to it.
Because of the thin veil over my eyes and my heart, I couldn't find it in me to write here, to plan past December, or even spend time with friends. I have found myself favoring quiet happinesses with my love and my son, with our families, and alone. I am content these days. A little stressed, but content. I know I'll get through this. There is no way but forward.
Nothing of great proportions happened while I was away. At least...nothing I didn't mention. However, I do want to share some things we did that made my heart happy this fall:
- Samuel wore super cute overalls and played in the leaves.
- Fall arrived!
- We had a first birthday party for our little guy. So much fun!
- My brother showed up at Samuel's party after being deployed for almost a year. We missed him so much. I ugly-cried, and he got to meet Brandon!
- We spent a lot of time in the city.
- Brandon and I ran the 5k at the Kansas City Marathon!
- My favorite boys finally got to meet and bond with each other. <3
- Samuel spent Halloween with his dad, but he was an adorable lion!
- My love and I went to Manhattan, Kansas to visit his grandparents. It was dreary and drizzly fall weekend and it was absolutely perfect.
- And Brandon and I spent our very first Thanksgiving together!!
We had a great fall, despite all the hardships. I am so excited for this month and getting to spend the holidays with my boys. I am so grateful, and I feel very blessed. Happy December!
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