My 25th Birthday!

At the mall on my 25th birthday with my little peanut!

I turned 25 last week. It was small and quietly special. I worked all day, and then I picked up my little boy from school. I opened gifts from Brandon, a portable Fujifilm Instax printer and film, and then we went to the mall and walked around while it snowed outside. Nothing very complicated or elaborate, just me and my favorites.

I think about how much has changed since I was 20. It's been five years, but it feels like five lifetimes. I am different, I am more alive, more grown up, more myself. I think about my life as a 20-year old. I was hurt and confused and wandering, waiting for my life to change, unsure of how to change it myself. I felt outside of myself and insecure. I thought I knew almost everything. Nothing excited me, nothing shook me awake anymore. I was melancholy and thought my life had been poisoned and there was no way to get out of it.

Yet, somehow I built the courage to finally barrel through the safety of my environment. I got tired of pretending things could never change, and I made changes. I went out and made my decisions, all of which seemed like mistakes at the time. But somehow, these "mistakes" fed my soul and directed me to truth. They tested me, my mental and emotional strength, and they made me know myself and know God. I became whole and sure, something I had never been before. Who knew massive amounts of heartache could do that?

There are a lot of things I wish I could have told myself at 20. I wish I could have told her to not worry so much or take things so seriously. To leave her relationship and go travel, and tell her MIL to fuck off and mind her own business. I wish I could have instilled in her the confidence I have now, take away her fears, and show her what real love looks like.
But the truth is, I wouldn't tell her anything. I think that even if I could actually sit down with her and tell her these things, that wouldn't make up for five years' worth of experience that would actually be ingrained. I believe that many things I'd say would just fly over her head.
However, I would tell her to visit Charleston earlier on, try creme brûlée, and make running a habit.

I feel good about 25. I think it will be my best year yet. Also, by virtue of having a December birthday, 25 is also synonymous with 2018, so I suspect my New Year thoughts and focuses will be similar.
I haven't thought about what I plan on focusing on for 2018/my 25th year. I know I want to work on my health and fitness a lot more. That's something almost everyone says, but I'm saying it too. B and I plan on running the KC half-marathon in the fall, kayaking and hiking regularly this summer, and I would like to have my pre-Samuel body back this year. 2018 will be the year!
My 25th year will be a beginning to a lot of things, I believe. Brandon and I will be renting a place together this fall, and we have lots of plans and ideas. I'm just excited for the possibilities.
Life isn't perfect right now, but it's definitely getting there. Here's to 25.